Note to lover

Your pills?

Addiction

Food, drink, drugs, sex, love. The hedonist's playthings. But when does pleasure become addiction? When does not-quite-enough become too much? I'll tell you. When you become double-minded about the pursuit. When you know that what you seek is not what you really want. When you'd rather be free, but you find yourself enslaved. When you act against your better judgment, for whatever reason.
 
Time to change. Reclaim power and peace of mind. Move on.

Peace be with you and also with you....

I have an idea for a new drinking game. Go to a Catholic mass, as I did this week for the first time in years, and take a swig of sacrificial wine every time you hear the word "peace." You'd likely die of alcohol poisoning before the service was over.

I had forgotten how peace-oriented Catholics are. They ask for it. They give it. They even shake on it during the service to seal the deal. Christians in general are pretty into peace. Jesus was and he is, after all, their role model.

There are zillions of Catholics/Christians all over the United States. Congress is jammed full of them. I imagine the military is too. And since they are all peaceniks I wonder why we are at war with Iraq? Or with anyone? I think Jesus is pissed.

Be mindful of little wizards

Methinks he doth protest too much.
It seems that my two Harry Potter-loving bottom
dwellers have little trouble making short work
of this fire-breathing dragon.

Life in the fast lane

Have you ever fasted? We've heard about people who do, but why do they fast? Why on earth would they fast? Self deprivation and delayed gratification have no place in the American way of life. Growing up Catholic we always tried to give something up for Lent. Usually it was something that we didn't much care for to begin with, like black-eyed peas. But to truly take oneself out of a state of constant satiation seems unnecessary, if not downright crazy.

I'll tell you something unbelievable. Fasting is fantastic. It is healthy. It is powerful. Physically, the process of digestion consumes more energy than nearly anything we human beings do. It is nonstop and tiring to the body. The garbage we put into ourselves on a daily basis overwhelms our systems...thanks in part to gluttony but with big kudos to the food industry who has meddled with the food supply to the point of absurdity.

The absolute best way to fast requires copious amounts of fresh fruits and vegetables, an expensive juicer, lots of time. A simpler fast that I've discovered has been around for 50 years or so. 3 ounces of fresh-squeezed lemon or lime juice, 3 ounces of Grade B maple syrup (this is not the syrup you buy at the local supermarket....look at a health food store or buy it via the internet). 2 or 3 capsules of cayenne pepper. 24 ounces of distilled water. Drink this all day long.

Day one is a piece of cake. Day two is the most difficult. The body begins to release toxins. You may feel sluggish. You'll certainly feel your addictions to various foods. Day three is a bit easier. By day four you'll begin to feel powerful...akin to runners' euphoria. Your body is free, your mind is unencumbered, you are living life on a higher plane.

Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days. Do you think that this was a sacrificial act? If so, it certainly pales in comparison to death on a cross. No, I believe Jesus fasted to release himself from the bonds of human frailty....to put himself in contact with the divine. That's why yogis fast, why Muslims and Christians fast. Why I fast. Try it. It will certainly change your body. Perhaps it will change your life.

Are ants the least of our brethren?

While their older brother, sisters and cousins were "peeling" across the Caribbean Sea on a banana boat, Devon and Ryan were overjoyed to learn that they would get to visit the Sian Ka'an Biosphere Reserve near Tulum to learn about the different ecosystems of the Yucatan peninsula. They bounded with unbridled joy from our adorable beach cabana to wait in the heat and humidity for the tour van.

Our open-air boat motored quickly through canals used by the ancient Mayans as well as various lagoons, our guide stopping periodically to point out birds or plants that might be of interest to us. One particularly engaging stop was for the banana orchid.

The banana orchid is an epiphyte, a plant that lives on another plant without damaging its host as a parasite would. The banana orchid's pseudo-bulbs (the banana-y looking things) play host to nests of stinging ants. The ants feed on the nectar of the orchid and protect the plant from other insects and pollinate it in return. An endless parade of ants marched up and down the stem of the orchid, ignoring us as we all smelled the slight scent of banana surrounding the blooms.

Amazingly, a nearly identical species of banana orchid is endemic to the Cayman Islands. Still an epiphyte, but living on different trees and aided in pollination by the tree itself. Nary an ant in sight.

To me this is an astounding example of adaptation and the bounty of the natural world. I guess every living thing strives to survive, no matter the circumstance, and hopes for a little cooperation from its fellow beings. There is no right way. No singular path. We can hammer out a workable existence using the resources that surround us.

Coba ruins

The Yucatan version of the Manitou Incline!

Sartorial Elegance

Who can resist a Peruvian man exhibiting a sense of personal style and a proficiency with the pan flute?

Not me.

At least not at that moment.

A Star is Born

On June 29, 1930, Helen and Marie Smythe, my mother and aunt, were born in the Bronx, New York. Sixty-five years later it was Lara Elisabeth Walden's turn. Happy birthday to all my sweet girls!

Comfortably Numb

Sitting in a puffy leather Barca-lounger, jacked full of Valium and Demerol, God Doctor enters the room. He squats down so that we are at eye level, introduces himself (as if I don't know who he is..I've driven to Denver three times so far to see him), stares into my nearly blind eyes and says, "Did you take something or are your pupils always this huge?" Even in my half-drugged state I had the presence of mind to say, "I took a handful of 'ludes before the surgery; I hope that was okay." He stands up without a word and walks out of the room.

Shit. Here it comes. We are so sorry, Ms. Walden, but we can't do your surgery. You are destined to stumble around, squinting, creating giant furrows in your brow that even Botox can't touch, ignoring friends and family waving at you, generating hurt feelings and animosity everywhere you go.

Fortunately, within moments, in comes a cute Asian scrub nurse in a blue surgical hair thing. She takes me into a room, puts me under a huge frightening contraption which is going to make a completely computerized laser cut on my oh-so-thin cornea. THIS is the new technology. In the past, the corneal flap has been created by a blade and has been the source of nearly every resultant complication of laser surgery. The actual corneal correction has been done by laser. The cut...by a BLADE....like skinning a squirrel. This new technology is so precise....they are talking microns....MICRONS. Three MOTHER FUCKING MICRONS. Me likey the precision.

After this first step, I am nearly blind. Kind over-sized women gently guide me to another dark room, put me on yet another comfortable chaise, pillow under my knees so there is no pressure on my lower back. Let the correction begin! Here's where it gets a bit sci-fi. A soothing voice narrates as I am experiencing Laserium...on drugs...like at CU-Boulder back in the day.

You will see a green light within a white circle ..... Is there anybody out there? ..Try to focus on the green light even when it disappears... There is no pain you are receiving ......Then you will see flashing red lights.....A distant ship floats on the horizon........Try to focus on the red light. It will appear to move, but that is an illusion.....You are only coming through in waves......Very very good, Marie...halfway there......Your lips move, but I can't hear what you say.....Now you will see a series of dots...keep looking straight ahead...very good, Marie....When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse....Almost there, Marie. Keep looking straight ahead....Out of the corner of my eye....Very very good. Now we will move to the next eye...I tried to look but it was gone...Marie, shift your shoulders a little to the left....I cannot put my finger on....Very good, Marie...now focus on the green light again... a child is born, the dream is gone....We are done...you can relax now, Marie....I have become comfortably numb.

Within minutes of beginning, I am back in my Barca-lounger, drinking Gatorade, feeling no pain.

Okay, so I am 2 days out with 20/20 vision. I got glasses in second grade and have struggled with vision my whole life. I've been told by countless opthamologists that I'm not a candidate because of thin corneas, large pupils, astigmatism, extreme myopia.

If anyone out there is similarly afflicted, find Dr. Jon Dishler in Denver. He brought this technology to Colorado and he holds patents on many treatments. He is internationally known for Intra-Lasik.

I am not his marketing gal; he doesn't even know my name. I just know the struggles that I've had. If you have complicated vision, or you know someone who does, let me share this gift with you. I am COMPLETELY AMAZED. And happy as a keen-eyed lark.