Shedding light on Wal-Mart's mission

I had the pleasure of seeing Ray Bracy, Senior VP of Wal-Mart, speak last night at CC. I hardly know where to begin, so convinced am I that Wal-Mart truly is making people’s lives better by saving them money.

I’ll focus on Wal-Mart’s contribution to the eco-sustainability movement. Recently, the company vowed to make the new high-efficiency fluorescent light bulbs available to their customer base at an affordable price (they are usually about six times the cost of incandescent bulbs). They succeeded wildly in their endeavor, selling 150 million of them in the past year. In case you don’t know much about these amazing new light bulbs — so fantastic that the Bush administration, at Wal-Mart’s urging I’m sure, have enacted a law making the manufacture or sale of incandescent bulbs illegal in the near future — here are just a few of the wonders of compact fluorescent lightbulbs (CFLs):

* CFLs create an unpleasant and unnatural bluish glare. Deal with it!
* CFLs may cause interference to radios, televisions, wireless telephones/computers, and remote controls; avoid placing this product near these devices. Piece of cake!
* CFLs don’t work well (or sometimes at all) in very cold weather, so operation of porch lights and outdoor security lights in northern states may be erratic in wintertime. Big whoop!
* If a CFL is turned on and off frequently, its energy efficiency drops and its highly-touted life expectancy decreases. Re-train your children to leave the lights on!
* Most CFLs can’t be used with dimmer switches or timers. Who needs romance?
* CFLs won’t fit in many existing lighting fixtures. Back to Wal-Mart!
* CFLs may smoke or smolder, but they probably won’t catch fire. Phew!
If you do encounter a smoldering bulb, don’t worry. Simply follow Energy Star’s (a government program encouraging energy conservation) recommendations:

“If you have a product that does begin to smoke or smolder, immediately shut off the power to the CFL and, once it has cooled, remove it from the light socket. Then, send us e-mail…to alert us of this incident. Please include the product manufacturer’s name and model information that is included on the CFL base and if possible an electronic photo. Also please tell us how the CFL was used – open or enclosed light fixture; indoors or outdoors; base orientation – up, down or sideways. Then visit the manufacturer’s web site to find customer service contact information to inform them of the early failure.” Easy ’nuff!

*CFLs contain mercury, which is poisonous. If the unthinkable happens and the fragile tube breaks, worry not. Just follow the EPAs recommendations for clean up:

To avoid inhaling mercury vapors if a bulb does break, the EPA advises opening a window as soon as possible and leaving the room for at least 15 minutes before starting to clean. Once you start:

• Never allow children or pregnant women near the spill area.

• Always wear rubber gloves; you should never touch mercury with your bare hands.

• Remove all metal jewelry, which might attract mercury magnetically.

• If the bulb breaks on hard flooring, use a piece of stiff paper to scoop up the broken glass and powder. Avoid using a broom that could stir up dust.

• Damp mop hard surfaces to pick up any remaining dust.

• If the bulb breaks on carpeting, use sticky tape to pick up the powder, dust and smaller pieces of glass. Vacuuming could disturb the dust and pose an inhalation risk.

• Afterwards, shine a flashlight to double check the area for missed spots.

• Seal all the rags, paper and tape, as well as the light bulb remains, in a plastic bag. Double bag it, and dispose at a household hazardous waste site. See www.earth911.org for one in your neighborhood.

• Wash your hands well and leave the room.

• Leave the window open and turn on a fan to air out the room for at least 24 to 48 hours.

• If you’ve touched mercury or are concerned about your exposure, call the Poison Control Center at 800-222-1222.

Oh, and if you’ve spilled the mercury on a rug, roll it up and place it on the front lawn. Call the EPA and they will come pick it up. Thank you, thank you, EPA!

And heartfelt thanks to Ray Bracy and Wal-Mart for making our lives, and the environment, better by saving us money!

The Cancer Cartel at work again

I don’t know how many of you are women’s basketball fans, but just in case you missed last weekend’s action, most of the top-ranked college teams played their games bedecked from head to toe in pink uniforms, compliments of Nike. The Think Pink initiative is a global, unified effort of the Women’s Basketball Coaches Association (WBCA) to raise breast cancer awareness on the court, across campuses, in communities and beyond. More than 800 universities participated in some capacity in the event which happened to coincide with ESPN’s ‘February Frenzy’ of games. Fans of the game were encouraged to don pink in support of the cause.

Now, I don’t know if you’ve seen a typical women’s basketball fan, but I can assure you that pink is not her favorite color. However, like the rest of us, she’s always willing to do her part in the fight against breast cancer.

During last week’s action, in addition to the play-by-play reminder of breast cancer, fans were repeatedly encouraged to give generously to the Kay Yow/WBCA Cancer Fund. We were told that we must band together to stop this ruthless killer of women. Yes, we surely surely must.

My question is why didn’t Nike just write a big check to the fund and be done with it? We could’ve actually WATCHED the Rutgers-Tennessee game, a rematch of last year’s NCAA final; the fund would have its money; more “research” could be done; big Pharma and their minion-surgeons could have their pin money; big Food could keep fucking with the food supply so that these fundraisers will always be necessary. And Nike will be at the ready to supply gear for each of them, swoosh color negotiable.

Even more importantly, more women would be convinced to cough up money for an annual mammogram, more biopsies of benign tissue would be done and, in the process, even more of them would get cancer from the large, very unnatural and unhealthy, doses of radiation they regularly receive. I mean, let’s forget that one of the world’s foremost authorities on radiation, John W. Gofman, (MD, PhD, Professor Emeritus of Molecular Biology at UC-Berkeley–no hack, this guy), estimates that 75% of breast cancer cases could be prevented by avoiding exposure to the ionizing radiation of mammography and x-rays. I'm sure the number would be even higher if our mainstream healthcare professionals knew anything about health.

The Think Pink campaign sounds like a win-win for everyone. Except, of course, the women who are supposedly benefiting by thinking pink.




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Polly put the kettle on

There is nothing more thrilling than being the wild one on the outer edge of the pack, seeing the horizon more clearly than those safely ensconced in the middle of the herd. It isn't easy being a lonely maverick, relying on animal instinct to find hidden dangers, while other more domesticated souls happily munch nuggets of truth dispensed by politicians and mainstream media. But someone has to lead the way.

I thought I'd found an opportunity to indulge my inner maverick. I had high hopes that the Three Cups of Tea avalanche was hiding lots of neocon propaganda, a pitiful campaign to convince those of us with bleeding hearts that, indeed, our government is engaged in noble warfare against terrorism in Pakistan and Afghanistan, the training ground for Islamic fundamentalists determined to wipe out Western culture. After all, who would know the terrorist's heart better than Greg Mortenson who has spent much of the past fifteen years in remote Himalayan villages developing relationships with local leaders and gaining an understanding of these tribal cultures?

Well, I'm disappointed to admit that, after finishing the book, I am smack in the middle of the Mortenson love fest. Other than forgetfulness, disorganization and a chronic lack of punctuality, I can find no fault with this man (I feel like Pontius Pilate). After the 9/11 attacks, the book gets a whole lot better. The writing, literally painful to read in the first half, begins to flow in such a way that you are not constantly mindful of the fact that you are reading.

Political intrigue, physical danger, unflinching bravery, and an uncanny ability to discern the good guys from the bad guys--always in pursuit of his mission of educating the rural poor--does make Mortenson seem larger than life. So much so that co-author David Oliver Relin stops mentioning his physical stature in every paragraph.

The complexity of tribal societies makes for interesting reading. Puppet governments in big cities have no standing in remote mountain villages. Tribal councils and religious leaders in Iran interpret and enforce the law. Mortenson makes an interesting distinction between warlords who take tariffs from opium smugglers to create private militias and commandhan who plow the profits into the people's welfare. One bad, the other good. He makes few moral judgments of the mountain people and their ways, poppy production included. He saves his scathing indictments for the US government and its minions, and seemingly refuses to cooperate or be used by them in any way.

I hope I can find a front row seat tonight and catch Mortenson's eye. I want to give him the oft-sought-but-ever-elusive Mango wink of approval. Some maverick, she.

Not my three cups of tea

I remember a time, not so long ago really, perhaps last month, when I was blissfully unaware of a wayward mountaineer named Greg Mortenson. After nearly reaching the summit of K2, and having lost his porter and his way on the descent, he limped, hungry and cold, into a tiny town in northeast Pakistan called Korphe. After several days spent recovering from his misadventure, Greg Mortenson stumbled from the village leader’s hut into the rarefied Himalayan air.

I am only halfway through the book Three Cups of Tea, One Man’s Mission to Promote Peace…One School at a Time which attempts to tell of Mortenson’s journey through Pakistan and Afghanistan, and his quest to build schools for impoverished children. A brave and noble mission no doubt.

I must say, however, that the book is the most poorly written of any I’ve read since my Fabio days. I imagine Mortenson’s adventure was dangerous and thrilling, likely rivaling fellow climber Jon Krakauer’s Everest adventure. Krakauer’s tale was a positively riveting account of the experience, and Into Thin Air remains one of my all-time favorite adventure stories. Three Cups of Tea, on the other hand, well, sucks. I say this not to be unkind, but because I am wondering how on earth it ended up on the New York Times bestseller list.

Here is but a small sample of the creamy pablum co-author David Oliver Relin dishes out:

…Why couldn’t the flag of crescent and star lead these children such a small distance toward “progress and perfection”?

After the last note of the anthem had faded, the children sat in a neat circle and began copying their multiplication tables. Most scratched in the dirt with sticks they’d brought for that purpose. The more fortunate…had slate boards they wrote on with sticks dipped in a mixture of mud and water. “Can you imagine a fourth-grade class in America, alone, without a teacher, sitting there quietly and working on their lessons?” Mortenson asks. “I felt like my heart was being torn out. There was a fierceness in their desire to learn, despite how mightily everything was stacked against them….I knew I had to do something.”

That something became a big something, and Greg Mortenson will share his story at Shove Chapel on January 15.

In Three Cups of Tea, Greg Mortenson, besides being of impressive stature, a point made on every page of the book, is portrayed as little more than a socially stunted somewhat incompetent drifter. So how did this guy, who couldn’t find a decent ghost writer, suddenly become a master of self-promotion? A book tour, magazine covers, even promotional materials sent home in my child’s school backpack. It’s pretty amazing.

I am, as I said, only halfway through the book but I’ve not read anything about Mortenson’s mission of peace. Korphe’s village leader confided to him that, although he ran his fingers reverently over its pages, he couldn’t actually read his treasured Koran, and did not wish the same terrible fate on his children. Mortenson’s mission appears one of education and literacy. I found a copy of the book with a previous title, Three Cups of Tea: One Man’s Mission to Fight Terrorism and Build Nations…One School at a Time. Vanquishing terrorism and nation building are the pet projects of neocons, aren’t they? I guess peace is easier to market.

A final note. Greg Mortenson’s lecture at Shove Chapel is sponsored by the UCCS Center for Homeland Security. I really don’t get the connection. I feel like this guy is an unwitting pawn in some greater game. What that game is I don’t know. So I’ll finish the book, go to the lecture, and see if I can connect the dots.