Where's Osama?

Shhhh...OMG...You're not gonna BELIEVE this but I think I just found Osama. He or his identical twin, I KID YOU NOT, is sitting on the couch in my basement, eating Cheerios, watching our new plasma TV. My kids have been telling me for the past few weeks that there's a "foreigner" down there but I thought they were talking about mice. We've had a rodent problem as of late and my kids, you know, have a pretty good sense of humor. But holy shit!
 
EVERYONE STAY CALM. I alerted the authorities over an hour ago. I'm sure they'll be here very soon.
 
I'm actually pretty excited about this! The $25 million reward is going to come in QUITE HANDY. Especially because the basement smells like a cave now and will certainly need to be fumigated!
 
Well, okay, I'm starting to worry. I hope the law enforcement officials didn't get into a fender bender or something on the way here. Oh, hello Osama. OSAMA? Where are you going? Osama! No, don't leave yet! How 'bout a waffle or something?
Osaaaaammmmmaaaaa. SHIT.

I feel REALLY sorry for the men at the Department of Home Security, or whatever it's called. This guy is like a modern-day frickin' Houdini. Maybe they should call Dog Chapman. He's probably pretty expensive, what with his own cable TV show and all, but I bet he could get the JOB DONE.

For Osama, we need to bring out the BIG GUNS, you know what I mean?