My Fellow Tribesmen

KILL BUSH? Worry about Karl Rove? Fix Afghanistan? Remove the homeless from public libraries? Wow, you guys have a lot of mental energy! I am starting to feel like maybe I'm not part of the tribe. I'll agree that the world has a few issues, but nothing like the nightmare occurring at Chez Walden right now.

My resident bachelor and I decided recently to spice up our lives by adding some color to the house. We planned to paint three archways in the living and dining rooms in bold colors. After much cajoling by him (I tend to like beiges and grays) and many hours spent at Sherwin-Williams, we settled on Martha Stewart's Old Copper Kettle (kind of a turquoisey thing) and Russet Rose. [A little background info....ever since I explained to the bachelor the ins and outs of "insider trading" and how rich people do it all the time and how retarded it is that it's illegal, he's been slightly obsessed with Martha. He understands the steep price she's paid to appease the common man and is grateful for her selflessness.]

So, we got our supplies and taped everything off and yesterday was paint day. Here's where it starts to get ugly. I was happily painting away, picturing myself in Morocco riding a big sexy camel, when not one but two of my children, at separate times, came up to say, "Cool, Mom. Looks like La Casita." Eeeeeek! Not at all the look I'm going for! Talk about pinking shears through the heart!

So during my day today, instead of traveling to Washington to kill Dubya as I'd planned, I've had to call in my faux finish people, wait for them to arrive and fix the mess that I've created. I'm sorry that I'm letting everyone down. I promise, if George W. shows up at my door I'll give him a good slap, I'll pull his hair. If I'm feeling really plucky, I'll give him an Indian burn. But right now I have to call and cancel the rainbow awning. Mea culpa.